1. when we kiss, our feet rain, and our precipitation helps plants grow
maybe you can't have kids, but you can have me. i'm small but i won't hate you when i reach my teens. but now i'm young and overwhelmed with hospital bills, i've had some visitors but i'm sick still. and fuck family, i only want to see friends, so crawl into the sheets of my hospital bed. and i never had faith in doctors or gods, so take me home, i've had too many shots. the grass is wet, crawl into blankets wrapped as tight as your skin, i can feel your skeleton. and i remember you're made of more than color and shade, that there's a heart in that cage with a constant tempo change. and it doesn't only exist because i thought of it, no you're a physical thing, you're still there when i look away. and i won't disappear when you're not here, though i feel i may if you look away.

2. claire's not real
i've got a headache full of fantasies but they're not the kind with beaches more like dark city streets, that lead me nowhere that's where i want to be, most times it's stupid but for now i'm hoping that there will be no end to this cars get into accidents but i am not inside of them. but everyone dies at the same time. it's the desire that i can't name. so i fill myself with everything until my stomach aches. how many blankets until i'm comfortable? it's not the warmth i'm needing, but the weight that i'm dying for. a moment is merely a concept because it's impossible to accept that if you tear time apart, you don't get to anything. so everyone dies at the same time. lately i've been coughing every time i laugh, but i don't think i want to get my voice back. because resolution can't compare to the way that it feels to nourish pain by listening to an unhealthy dose of the biggest lie or watching a windshield cry or torturing myself with a fictional family. i know claire's not real, she won't ever love me.

3. there's no sense of distance between
those who say that life is only truly lived by the philosophers and poets, well their ideas are just shit. because no matter how hard i try to make every moment last infinitely, i'm still tangled in time. though i could swear that it does not exist since there's no past, there is only the present. but i'm still moving and i'm getting seasick. because time is flat and i'm coming to the end, my ship will sail right off of the edge and i will sink into the depths of nothingness. The stage crew is always setting up for the next scene and they don't seem to stop, and i don't quite understand the point. and it's not that life is too short or too hard, it's just being aware that your character will fall apart, so i don't worry about getting my lines right. the things i feel are as meaningless as yesterday and i don't think that this will ever change because the things i have will always be the same. what i've got is a handful of memories, crowded in a corner somewhere inside of me and there's no sense of distance between. you probably won't die tonight but it's still a possibility. maybe you could stay here tonight, spend some more time with me. because if i know where you are it might lower the chances that you will leave. but don't waste our time tonight because you will go eventually. i'm convinced we are nothing more than just an empty shell, body, and blood; we are just machinery.  each moment burns up into the next, i don't know which one i'm living in; everything passes quickly. once life's the notebook you're looking through and i meant the most to you, did you fill enough pages with me? each moment burns up into the next, i don't know which one i'm living in; everything passes quickly.

4. we always come back to clouds
it began with peaceful powder, line it up like saints ready to kill. in a war you don't believe in, destruction loves to fight battles uphill. artificial adrenaline, until you don't feel the pain of killing men. and you keep kissing with her inside you, the place you promised was reserved for me. now you have been chewing on time to restore your conscience to scratching your mind. and he's returned pressing harder than before. vandalize your brain, spray paint it "whore". and there's a feeling somewhere that won't become anything physical. there's a feeling somewhere that won't blossom into anything at all. here's the sun, it has nested in my mind. if i turn to it, serotonin will go blind. and my old cure doesn't work on this disease, so you propose a new kind of release. now there are clouds on my back, fingernail painted lines. they are whiter than the color of our come when it combines. and they are pure, they are sweet, ice-cream bleeding. your softest work of art, you created violently.

5. watercolors
i lost touch with a friend because i'm lazy. i still love her but i know that she hates me. and i deserve it because i don't care. i wish i did, but i don't care. i've got a girl, she is pure and good to me. she's as soft as a watercolor painting. but i am scared i will tear her apart. honey i'm selfish, i will tear you apart. if i'm sleepy, i won't be brushing my teeth, i'm not afraid of gums that bleed. and maybe that's stupid, i mean moments may not exist. but you remind me that time still passes. and i don't want to use up my women till they're empty but i still leave room for more love in my bed sheets. i just want all the love i can get. i got my hands on something pure and i fucked it. will you still love me when i sail and discover that the wombs of other women all fail to comfort me the way that you did? please don't let me hurt you, hold me back from the oceans.

6. cellular singing
i've always loved your cellular singing, out of tune and out of minutes, but my line's tied up because i've been busy making calls to the city. where the songs move so much faster, pressing their opinions. will you comfort me after i breathe industrial air? i know i'll become the boy you loved only because i loved you too. i'm the static screen you can't give up, i'm the only thing on to entertain you. but i hope you don't feel used like my son that i am living through because i really do like you, i've just been a little confused. well i won't forget how you moved my pain from my heart into my face. because i smiled so much that it hurt my cheeks, i promise you still mean a lot to me. no you have not been replaced.

7. when we kiss, our feet rain, and we hope there will be enough water to drown in
i don't want sympathy. i want the girl with the sweetest frown to hold my hand and crash with me. she's painted with black eye makeup. and she is not the one i love, but she's the closest thing to death that i can fuck. like a personal ad in the stranger, i want someone with the same disease. like a pornographic movie, she's got to be shameless and disgusting. but any friend i make is just another thing that i have to work on. i can't keep it up there's too much shit that i have to work on.

8. lonely as a country song
lately i'm as lonely as a country song because it's a simple thing that i want. i just want a woman sleeping in my sheets; i just want someone to take care of me. my heart has been like my dying car. It's not a question of "if", but "how far". and when it comes to cars i don't know shit except whithout someone, it won't get fixed. now i'm forced with a decision between staying indoors or being set free. because it's easy outside, but i'll freeze outside. there's just too much mess for me to clean. the days are turning grey and leaving without me like i'm living in between scenes of a movie. now i can explain loneliness with a thousand similies, but what i want to say is take care of me. lately i'm as lonely as a country song because it's a simple thing that i want. i just want a woman who will say to me, "you're safe with me, honey just go to sleep."

9. puzzle pieces
and so you're back. that's what i'd expect but i wasn't sure it'd happen. and of course you can come inside and if you want you can stay the night. and yeah we've changed like a video tape seems so different to watch back after a long time events are the same but our moods have seemed to change. you're not excited to see my face and for some reason that's okay. this is probably the last song i'll write about you. but that doesn't mean i forgot about what we went through. together we grew up then we grew apart like a musicians first guitar. he learned so much and she changed him but eventually she's out of date, she's just no good once he's on stage. the things i hate, and the things you hate, well they must have finally hit and made us grow and change shape because now our edges, they don't fit; we're not puzzle pieces.

10. there are too many numbers
there are too many girls who will never be as pretty as their bodies. but they're the one's who are temporary. she's patching her face in her review mirror. add another layer to remove a few years. before makeup, girls must have been ugly. husbands and wives love to fuck and fight; it's the only honesty they know how to get right. and they'll make a child intentionally, but i won't love him if he's not like me. plastic nails with shorter hair. one less thing to manage, one less thing to repair, but she's too afraid of the thing she wants the most. because her fear of death is as intense as her son's grade school fear of the big kid bus. these things change, but not that much. now he's scared for his high school girlfriend because she's good with a knife but not with her head. and she's a real good crier and an awfull writer, but does that make her any less sad? there are too many numbers to count, to cash, and to call. i can't provide for my wife because i'm too small. she needs a stronger man, but she can't have it all. she use to like sensitive guys.

11. we are orange
thanks for staying over when i needed you to help me burn up my yard of weeds, and to tear down the walls that always cradled us. now we're thanking them with kerosene. and if these walls could talk, they would be screaming now, "how could you do this to me? i was the only place you ever felt at home. you will only feel lost if you leave. please don't leave me." As we lay inside of our burning past we can see all the things that we have done: all those nights that you stayed over and we'd sneak out of bed to do what you do when you're young. but now our bones have gathered rust and we don't need to sneak to be where we want to be tonight. this is our last chance before the fire dies, so we will do what feels right. what is right. it could have been affected by your hair, or the light in the room, but i swear when our bodies finally fused, our colors did too. and we burned brighter than the fire. you scream the things we'd laugh at in any other context, but tonight they fit perfect because we don't need to be complex. our colors blend as your spine bends  and we are orange.

12. recipe for making criminals
i am not like the water towers, i don't expect blue skies. expectancies mean only disappointment, so i'll just take what i can find. it's a good thing i don't like the taste of blood. people can be disposed like the lives of those who do what everyone hates. but it's not their fault, they just like salt when they're making their lemonade. you may think i'm selfish, i just don't want to waste my life. and you may think that's selfish and maybe you are right, but i don't care. take bruises and genetic code, boil it in shame and stir it carelessly. the taste is always bitter so if i don't care don't blame me.

13. the seducer's diary
i must have passed out the first time that we kissed because when i came to, you were swinging fists. or at least you should have for the asshole i had been, but i guess it's useless punching the dead. you cried "honey, i gave up everything for you, i cooked you food, and i took care of you." and i know that's what i requested, but i should have guessed that that's not really what i want, no you're not really what i want. and i had a dream while i was unconscious that i loved a girl and i thought i was honest. and i thought reading a book could make some kind of difference, but people don't change, they just get excited. because when i awoke, i realized i couldn't be anyone but johannes because he was actually me. and the harder i tried not to, the further i got from you. i was convinced i was in love, so how did we always know it wasn't true. i never loved you, i just loved the times that we had. and i know that springtime would never let me see that. i learned a lot, but people are not lessons